The cover is pretty cool! It's a Bob Layton and Bob Wiacek piece. It depicts the X-Men charging into battle, trying to save their superheroic comrades. I also like that the cover is shown from the villain's POV as the X-Men charge in. We get to see the Merry Mutants leap into action. The cover's also cool because we get to see some of the X-Men showing off their powers. It's a cool cover.
"The Battle of the Four Armies!"
Writer: Jim Shooter
Penciler: Bob Layton
Inker: John Beatty
Colorist: Christie Scheele
Letterer: Joe Rosen
Editor: Tom DeFalco
Editor-in-Chief: Jim Shooter
The story begins with the heroes staring up at the sky. Galactus has summoned his home!
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| "Heh. You humans fail at moving." |
Well, when a planet-eater wants to consume your world, may as well get high. Johnny thinks it's a soda fountain, though. It's funny because at this point, he's old enough to drink actual alcoholic beverages, yet Pepsi is his idea of a stiff drink. She opens it, causing some vapors to waft out. The two breathe deeply...and Johnny feels like his mind has become a open book. The vapor evidently has some sort of mindlink effect, causing the healer to learn about Johnny and the whole situation. We also get a recap of the storyline so far, minus the X-Men running off. The mindlink also appears to have other effects, as Johnny and the healer (Whose name we learn is Zsaji), start to make out.
Speaking of romance, we next check in on Colossus. He's been thinking about Kitty Pryde. The two of them have a bit of an attraction...despite the fact that Kitty at the time was supposed to be about 13-14 years old, and he was supposed to be about 19-20. Yeah. Shooter was not a fan of this for obvious and understandable reasons. More on that in the future. Colossus is dragged out of his thoughts by a telepathic summon from Professor Xavier, doing his best Scorpion from Mortal Kombat: "GET OVER HERE!"
And Colossus proceeded to get over there. Alongside the other X-Men. They witness Galactus's ship/home in the sky. They have no idea what is going on...naturally. Magneto orders the group to get a ship, and prepare to act against Galactus. He and Xavier will try another approach to hopefully stopping the World-Eater. Storm bristles at this as she's the leader of the X-Men. Cyclops agrees, although he secretly thinks he should take over due to his greater experience. Xavier tells the X-Men to listen to Magnus on this.
Meanwhile in Doombase, Owen "Molecule Man" Reese and Marsha "Volcana" Rosenberg are walking in a garden area. The Molecule Man is telling her about his life, and Marsha is surprised by this. They pass by the Wrecking Crew, who taunt them a bit. Marsha is angry about it and wants to kick their heads in, but Owen tells her to just keep going by and ignore them. Piledriver calls them nerds, and that word appears to set Owen off.
Marsha slaps Piledriver. Titania watches this, amazed that the Molecule Man, the most powerful villain here...is so meek. Molecule Man turns Piledriver's costume into metal, immobilizing him. He then pushes Piledriver into the ground. Marsha cheers him for standing up for himself while pushing Piledriver's face into the ground. The Wrecking Crew get the hint and backs off. Owen makes a flying chariot for himself and Marsha and they fly away. Titania furiously rips out a tree, screaming the Crew could haven beaten Owen senseless. I'm assuming that Titania is still a bit drunk on her own new power, and it's made her stupid. The Crew free Piledriver, and they notice Galactus's ship.
Doom notices the ship as well...just as he predicted. He has his own plans, and the ship is beneficial. He gets approached by the Enchantress. She points out that she's an immortal Asgardian, and there's nothing for her to participate in this war. She's tried to flee, but there's a barrier keeping her stuck on this world...so, can we assume that her conversation with Thor last issue happened elsewhere on Battleworld?
Enchantress figures, "Hey, Doom's a smart guy! Maybe if he and I put our heads together, we can get off this crazy planet!" She even offers to be Doom's girlfriend. Doom's still not interested. She then offers to magically heal his face.
You see, in Fantastic Four #5 (July 1962), it was revealed that during his time in college, he attempted an experiment to contact the dead. It blew up in his face. Reed Richards was one of his classmates. Reed noticed a flaw in Doom's calculations. He tried to warn Doom, but Doom was like, "Screw you, Richards!". It's why he hates Reed Richards so much. He can't admit that he screwed up, so he convinced himself Reed sabotaged the experiment.
Anyway, the offer for magical plastic surgery is tempting, but Doom still refuses. There's always a price for stuff like this, as far as he's concerned. Enchantress leaves in a huff. She's not used to being turned down. In Magneto's lair, Xavier and Magneto try to telepathically contact Galactus. "But wait!" You may say. "Magneto's not a telepath!" Well, technically he isn't. But in X-Men #4 (March 1964), it was established Magneto, by turning his powers on his own brain, can display limited telepathy. I have no idea how that works. Fun fact, that issue was also the first appearance of Quicksilver and the Scarlet Witch.
In Zsaji's village, Reed suggests he try to talk to Galactus. He believes the World-Eater will hear him out, as Reed saved his life in Fantastic Four #244 (July 1982). Cap agrees, but warns Reed to be careful. Mr. Fantastic stretches up and tries to talk to the big G. Magneto and Xavier try to batter through Galactus's psychic defenses, but those defenses are naturally quite strong. Galactus notices this...and wrecks Magneto's magnet-shaped base with psionic force.
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| Geez, Galactus! You could have just told them to get out of your head! |
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| "I think we're in trouble." No, duh. You think so, Hawkeye?! |
Wouldn't be villains if they didn't kick you when you're down. Doom is hoping the battle will get Galactus's attention. The heroes are forced into retreat. The situation seems grim, until...
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| "HERE THEY COME TO SAVE THE DAYYYYYY!" |
The villains are able to injure Colossus...despite his being in his metal form. I guess someone was able to dent him. Despite the injury, the villains are forced to retreat on the Enchantress Teleportation System. The X-Men head back to the ship...leaving Colossus behind. Magneto sees the metal Russian as a burden, best left to his own devices. The X-Men are angry about that because they're a team, and they don't believe in leaving people behind. Magneto argues they are at war. Xavier points out that the village nearby has a healer, and the heroes can be trusted to help and keep Colossus safe. Maybe you guys should stay and tell the heroes Colossus needs help?
Iron Man finds the wounded mutant and tries to get Zsaji to help him with her healing ability. Johnny Storm isn't sure her powers can help him because of his being a mutant. Johnny, she was able to heal your cosmic ray-mutated butt, I think she can handle someone with an X-Gene. Colossus freaks out and refuses help. He watches her heal Spider-Man and then make out with Johnny. It makes Colossus feel rather jealous for some reason.
Captain America asks Mr. Fantastic what Galactus is doing. Reed explains that he's putting together the machinery he uses to convert planets into energy that he consumes. Cap believes that he's going to win the Beyonder's big game for the villains. However, Reed thinks that Galactus has something else in mind. However, unbeknownst to the World-Eater, his ship has a visitor.
Doctor Doom is wandering the ship, gazing at all the advanced technology. The Latverian monarch looks around the craft, and vows to master it. The story ends with him finding something on the ship.
This issue was not bad, but I do feel it's one of those issues that is better enjoyed as part of reading the whole miniseries instead of reading it solo. I've never been a fan of the X-Men going off and doing their own thing in this miniseries, so it's nice seeing them back helping the heroes. Again, I get that they're going for the whole "the X-Men are feared and hated because they're different" thing. As I have said in the past, I felt the X-Men distancing themselves could have been done better. Maybe show that the X-Men are not comfortable working with others because they're so used to being seen as the bad guys, for example.
Another thing I felt was a bit rushed was Colossus's little crush on Zsaji. There is a behind-the-scenes reason for this. You see, Jim Shooter was not a fan of Shadowcat and Colossus's little thing in the X-Men book at the time because of Kitty's age. So, when he wrote this, he saw an opportunity to put an end to it, hence this. I felt it could have been handled better.
As for the positives? I enjoyed the issue touching on Owen and Marsha's growing romance. It was neat seeing Marsha stand up to the Wrecking Crew...and pretty funny seeing her and Owen team up on Piledriver. I also liked seeing Doom plot against the Beyonder. I think it fits his character in a way. I can't see Doom really being the type to take orders, considering his ego. His interplay with Enchantress was pretty good, too. It's nice seeing that like the heroes, the villains have a tough time working together. I imagine it's harder for them because of their nature. Also, Bob Layton on art is always good. Again, I think this issue is better when read as part of the whole Secret Wars miniseries than on its own.
Thanks for reading this blog entry! If you enjoyed it, spread it around! And if you want to give this blog some additional support, please drop a tip in my Digital Tip Jar! It would be greatly appreciated! Next time, we join the Incredible Hulk as he comes to San Francisco and gets a shot of poison. No, not poison. A shot...of Venom. See you then!
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