Marvel Super Heroes: Secret Wars #4 (August 1984)

The Secret Wars rage on! Last time, the villains launched an attack that wrecked the heroes' homebase and basically blasted it to Hades and back. We also saw the rise of two brand new villains in Titania and Volcana, and Ben Grimm seemingly lost his Thing powers and became human again. Not to mention Thor and Enchantress went off to...talk the talk of immortals. Oh, and the X-Men decided to go their own way and hang with Magneto, which resulted in a brawl with Spider-Man. Yeah, quite a bit happened. So, let's see the heroes pick the pieces up in the latest issue of Marvel Super Heroes: Secret Wars!

The cover is really awesome! Why? Look at it! HULK HOLDING UP A MOUNTAIN. That is all. The boxes on the cover really say it all, really. "Beneath one hundred and fifty-billion tons stands The Hulk--and he's not happy!" Well, yeah. Hulk is not known for being jovial in general, and well...if I had to hold up a hundred-fifty billion ton mountain, I'd be pretty ornery, too.

"Situation: Hopeless"
Writer: Jim Shooter
Penciler: Bob Layton
Inker: John Beatty
Colorist: Christie Scheele
Letterer: Joe Rosen
Editor: Tom DeFalco
Editor-in-Chief: Jim Shooter

The story begins with the heroes' home exploding.

"You know, Owen Reese would make a mint in the demolition business."

Yeah, they're not getting the deposit back on that. The villains then check the ruins, hoping to find some bodies, but the heroes managed to escape. Volcana is awe of the Molecule Man, considering he was able to destroy the headquarters with a wave of his hands. He is touched by this and asks her to call him Owen.

Doctor Octopus spots the heroes regrouping some miles away. Octopus hopes they can salvage a big weapon to finish them off. However, Titania is basically "Screw that! I don't need a weapon like some wimp! I got muscles!" Which she demonstrates.

"DO ANY OF YOU BOYS EVEN LIFT, BRO?! HUH?! DO YA?!"

Yeah. She tosses that giant piece of debris five miles. Impressive. The Wrecking Crew join in with smaller bits of debris, but Absorbing Man convinces them to go after the heroes. However, the Molecule Man has a...bigger way to solve the hero problem.

"Bit...overkill, huh Owen?"

Yup, he's going to drop a mountain range on them. Never say Molecule Man didn't ever go big in life. The heroes see Titania's piece of rubble coming down. Hulk can't get it because he's carrying a bunch of people. Hawkeye uses an explosive arrow to split the piece of debris. Iron Man is then able to break it up further with his repulsors. The heroes are seemingly in the clear...but then again, Molecule Man did create a mountain range just for the purpose of dropping it on their heads.

"...Ouch."

SPLAT. The villains are naturally in a celebratory mood. Meanwhile, Thor and Enchantress are just hanging out somewhere. The two Asgardians discuss...love of all things. Thor is curious as to what the Enchantress wants. She simply wants one thing: The Thunder God's heart. She's had a thing for him for millennia...she's so lucky Skurge isn't there right now. She has tried to force him to love her, but Thor tries to explain to her that it doesn't work that way, that love is something that is given, not taken. Amora points out that they're immortal. As such, they have to occupy their time with crazy quests, or else they'll go mad...if they're not already insane.

She asks Thor if he could ever love her. Thor admits that he's unsure. She asks him if she is beautiful. Thor states that she is, but true beauty comes from the spirit. He thinks that is the quest Amora should undertake, try to be a better person. She basically tells Thor she'll try...if she give him a kiss as a sign that there's hope. However, an earthquake shows up to interrupt things. The two return to the heroes' citadel...what's left of it. Yeah, they find themselves surrounded by Enchantress's fellow villains.

Thor demands to know where the heroes are, and Dr. Doom basically tells him "we squished them with a mountain range WHO DA MAN NOW RICHARDS LOL." He demands Thor's surrender, but Thor decides he'd rather break all their jaws with Mjolnir.

Titania tries to wallop the God of Thunder, bragging about how famous she'll be. Thor just sends her flying with a backhand. The villains try to dogpile him, but he's able to fight them off, too. Doom reveals he fitted Ultron with a new weapon. Basically, it's a disintegration ray...and the weapon is tested on the Avenger of Thunder. It seemingly disintegrates him, leaving only his helmet and scrapes of cape. The Enchantress is shocked to the point of tears. Doc Ock thinks the villains have won, but Doom reminds him the X-Men and Magneto are still out there.

Doom then remembers that Kang tried to kill him in issue 1, and he has Ultron disintegrate the time traveler. The villains head back to their base...but there's one problem.

"I lived, varlet."

Thor is still alive. Doom did mention the X-Men were still out there, so let's check in on them, shall we? They're flying towards Magneto's magnet-shaped home base. In the plane, each of the X-Men have their own private reveries going. Piotr "Colossus" Rasputin is missing Kitty Pryde. Rogue thinks about her past as a member of the villainous Brotherhood of Evil Mutants. Wolverine vows to not hold back anymore, as they are at war. Xavier is troubled by his wiping Spider-Man's mind.

Meanwhile, in Magneto's home, the Master of Magnetism is calling upon his great power. Power that can shake mountains. Power that can raze cities. What does he use that incredible power for?

"All this effort to make a simple grooming device...By God, I'm getting old."

He makes a comb for the Wasp. There is something oddly hilarious about this. The two talk about the place Magneto is residing in, and he believes that it was created by previous occupants. This...makes a bizarre form of sense. We can assume that the Beyonder created the citadels intended for the heroes and villains so they could have a place to stay while they're fighting it out, but it's unlikely that he'd create separate place for Magneto. It's also unlikely that the Beyonder would make a separate place for Magneto...and I highly doubt Mags could have built this place himself.

Anyway, the X-Men arrive, with Wolverine hoping there's beer here. He's going to be quite disappointed. Magneto explains that he was discussing with Janet about the Beyonder...no he wasn't! He was being a dirty old man! Don't lie, Mags! You wanted to get your old self into Jan's jumpsuit! Anyway, Mags tries to cover himself by suggesting the X-Men take a more aggressive stance against Doom and his forces. Thing is, Mags also suggests that if Captain America and the non-mutant heroes have any problem with it...they should kick their butts, too.

Mags's stance is not surprising, considering his character. This is a guy who survived one of the most horrific events in human history, and it clearly scarred him. It led him to view humanity in general as no different than the Nazis that killed his family. It's something that has made Magneto one of Marvel's more complex and interesting villains. He's done some bad stuff, but it's understandable why he does it. He fears a second Holocaust, and he wants to use the Beyonder's power to create a golden age for mutantkind.

Jan then reveals that she's been playing Magneto all along. She wanted to know what she was up to. And now she knows, it's time to take her leave. But she not inconsiderate, she does give Magneto a nice parting gift, in the form of a sting blast. She easily fights her way through the X-Men, and flees in a flying craft. She felt the planet quake a while back, and she fears something terrible has happened. Yeah, she's unaware that the heroes' headquarters was destroyed by the villains.

Magneto tries to use his magnetic powers to force her back, but Xavier convinces him not to. He feels a bit of regret over using his telepathic powers on Spider-Man, and tells the Master of Magnetism that if he and the X-Men are to be allies, they will not use their powers in ignoble ways...this scene is weird.

It seems that the Wasp is the last hero standing. After all, the others were crushed by a mountain range, right? Nope.

If that's not bad enough, Hulk REALLY needs to use the bathroom.

Yup, just like the cover. The only thing keeping the heroes from being crushed is the Incredible Hulk. And even he can only hold it up for so long. It can be assumed that because he's got Banner's mind, he lacks the ability to reach the levels of rage, and therefore power, the classic savage green Hulk can reach. The heroes seem doomed...or maybe not.

They're able to revive the unconscious Reed Richards. Using Hawkeye's arrows, Iron Man's armors, and Spider-Man's web-shooters, he builds a device. He then has the Human Torch and the Monica Rambeau Captain Marvel use the device to channel all their power into Iron Man's armor. Then, the Golden Avenger fires his repulsors at the mountain.

Undoing millions of years of growth in a microsecond. We humans are a destructive bunch.

FREEDOM! Yup, the heroes are now free...and Thor is waiting for them on the other side. Cap sends Monica to find some supplies. She flies all over the planet at lightspeed, and manages to find a village. There's just one little problem.

Welcome to Galactusville, home of the World-Eaters!

The village is right near Galactus himself. Sure, the World-Eater is not exactly doing anything, but if he decides to take a step in the wrong direction...splat. The heroes meet the natives of the village, and they're understandably nervous. However, one of the villagers, a woman, argues in their favor. She is able to convince her fellow villagers to help the heroes out.

Turns out, the woman has the ability to heal injuries, and she's able to get She-Hulk and the Human Torch back in fighting condition. The Torch tries to lay on the charm, naturally. Ben Grimm points out that Galactus is right on the village's doorstep, but Reed isn't worried. Galactus doesn't seem to care at the moment, so this place is safe. He then suddenly changes back into the Thing, leaving him very confused. Why does this keep happening to him?!

Reed tells him he'll try to find out, but he's already got suspicions. He then notices something odd.

"HE'S GOING TO PUT HIS HANDS IN THE AIR! AND WAVE 'EM LIKE HE JUST DON'T CARE!"

The story ends with Galactus raising his arms, presumably to summon the equipment he uses to convert planets into the energy that he consumes for sustenance.

This story was enjoyable. As I have said, I am not a big fan of the X-Men's portrayal in this miniseries here because it seems to make no sense to me. Yeah, I get the X-Men's big gimmick, don't get me wrong. Fighting for a world that hates and fears them, I get it. I just think that this could have been done better. Maybe if the idea was that the X-Men are growing fed up with the lack of progress in the whole mutant-human peace thing, or they had gotten so used to being persecuted against that they have become rather paranoid... I'm just saying, this could have been done better.

Wasp turning on Mags was pretty darn funny, and I think fit her character. It was also neat seeing her get one up on the X-Men. I also liked Thor getting one up on the villains he's fighting. It's easy to show him as a big bruiser, so it's nice to show that he's got a brain under his winged helmet.

Bob Layton takes over the penciling here from Mike Zeck. I enjoyed Layton's work on Iron Man, and it's very good here, too.

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