Marvel Super Heroes: Secret Wars #8 (December 1984)

The Secret Wars rage on! Last time, we saw the debut of an all-new Spider-Woman, we saw Volcana make a devil's bargain, and the She-Hulk got the mother of all beatdowns! So, where are we going next with this? Will we learn more about our mysterious new heroine? Will Volcana end up regretting her deal with the Enchantress? Can the other heroes save She-Hulk? Will I stop asking stupid questions and get to the comic already? Can do! This is Marvel Super-Heroes: Secret Wars #8!

The cover of the comic, a Mike Zeck piece, has become pretty iconic. Front-and-center is the Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man, with his fancy new costume. It's kind of a funny cover to me because right behind him, you see the heroes and the villains of the story brawling in the background. It's like he's so distracted with admiring his new suit that he doesn't even notice the battle behind him. It's really funny. But seriously, it is a great cover.

"Invasion!"
Writer: Jim Shooter
Penciler: Mike Zeck
Inkers: John Beatty, Jack Abel, Mike Esposito
Colorist: Christie Scheele
Letterer: Joe Rosen
Editor: Tom DeFalco
Editor-in-Chief: Jim Shooter

The story begins with the heroes flying into action.

"Here they come to save the dayyyyy!"

They arrive at the Doombase, but Reed Richards is suspicious. Surely, Doctor Doom would have noticed there were there by now. Why hasn't he sent a force to intercept them? The other heroes don't care, they just want to fight.

Inside the Fortress, the Enchantress is basically drinking herself senseless. She laments how she wasn't able to get Thor to kiss her in issues 3 and 4, which would have gotten him under her power. Yeah, Amora is rather obsessed with Thor. She hears the din of the heroes charging in, but she's too plastered to really do anything. Man, that Asgardian mead must pack a punch. Volcana is watching over the injured Molecule Man while he recovers from the wounds Wolverine gave him in issue 6.

She also hears the sound of battle, and Volcana vows to make sure no one can get to him, especially Wolverine. Good luck, lady. You're a rookie supervillain, and he's got a century of combat experience. In Doombase's dungeon, Klaw frees the Lizard. He can't stand seeing him cooped up, as he was trapped once in a ship, and it made him a bit crazy.

Elsewhere, She-Hulk is taking a heck of a beating, but Absorbing Man picks up the sound of Thor's hammer. They go to engage, but not before Doctor Octopus seemingly finishes off She-Hulk.

"BAH GAWD ALMIGHTY! THAT KILLED HER! AS GAWD AS MAH WITNESS, SHE IS BROKEN IN HALF!"

Doctor Doom stumbles out of his quarters, looking a bit worse for wear. Well, he did barge into Galactus's ship uninvited, so no surprise he'd get a cosmic boot out of the ship. Monica Rambeau goes to search for the She-Hulk, as she can take the form of a beam of light, which will allow her to cover the area much faster. The Wrecker tries to bash Iron Man with his enchanted crowbar, but ends up getting a repulsor to the face. The heroes and villains brawl in the Doombase, where the new Spider-Woman gets to show her stuff.

"Judo THROW!"

Hawkeye is able to wound Piledriver by firing an arrow at close range. Hulk bursts through a wall like a gamma radiation-powered Kool-Aid Man to find the Enchantress. Evidently she's sobered up quick as she uses her seductive powers to knock the Jade Giant cold. She tries the same trick on Captain America, but ends up getting a faceful of his Mighty Shield.

Titania tries to shove a 40-ton metal beam down on the heroes' heads, but is stopped by Spider-Man. She tries to attack him, while ranting about how she used to be the one who got picked on, but now can do the beating up. Yeah, basically Titania is your victim of bullying who ends up becoming a bully themselves. Hawkeye and Ben Grimm (who turned back into his human form during the battle), encounter Klaw and the Lizard.

Mister Fantastic and Iron Man, accompanied by Thor and Spider-Woman, find Molecule Man and Volcana. Volcana tries to blast them, but Iron Man is able to power everyone through...heavily damaging his armor in the process. Molecule Man creates a transparent air shield to protect himself and Volcana. However, Monica Rambeau is able to go through it in the form of light (The shield is transparent, so light can get through it).

The energy transformer has Molecule Man in a headlock, which makes Volcana freak out. She agrees to surrender. Meanwhile, Titania is not doing so well against Spider-Man. Remember, Titania may have the wall-crawler beat on raw power, but Spider-Man has been fighting supervillains since he was a teenager. His speed, agility, and Spider-Sense allow him to dodge the powerhouse, as well as lay some quick blows of his own. The entire time, he also taunts Titania about how she still is the "whining little wimpette" she always was. The battle ends with Spidey tossing her out of Doombase.

"This ain't faiiiiiiiir...!"

This would have an effect on Titania for a while afterwards, as future stories established this battle gave her a phobia of Spider-Man that would last for a long time. Cap and the Human Torch encounter Ultron. Torch tries to melt him, but he can't generate enough heat to melt the mad machine's adamantium body. Cap encourages Torch to use his Nova Flame (a giant blast of heat that tends to weaken the Torch). Desptie the power of the Nova Flame, it didn't damage Ultron's body. It did manage to damage his circuitry, so it wasn't a failure. Cap finds Doctor Doom, but the Latverian tyrant is clearly really out of it.

"Ugh, why does Doom keep falling for drinking contests with Richards?!"

"Why does Doom keep falling for drinking contests with Richards?" Mr. Fantastic, Spider-Man, and the Hulk manage to find Ben Grimm and Hawkeye. Thankfully, they were able to pacify the two villains...by playing patty-cake with the looney Klaw. It's hilarious. Monica finds She-Hulk, battered and bleeding. With the battle over, and the Doombase taken, Reed Richards takes the wounded to the infirmary. It was lucky that Monica found the Gamma Glamazon when she did. Much longer, and She-Hulk would have been dead...like the Wasp. The uninjured villains are locked in the dungeon.

Back in Zsaji's village, Colossus is carrying her to her home. She's very weak, like the life was drained right out of her. The Russian mutant spots the bottle of mind-linking vapors that Johnny Storm had used in an earlier issue. He uses the vapors, and he's able to discover why Zsaji is in such bad shape...she used her healing power to wake the Wasp up. Turns out she wasn't quite dead. Just in a sort of stasis...that Zsaji got her out of. Okay.

Yeah, she took a laser blast to the chest. How do you end up in STASIS from that?! It was shown, ON-PANEL, that she was BLASTED IN THE CHEST! Also, did the heroes just leave Colossus behind? I know he was injured and all, but they at the very least tell him where they were going and they would pick him up later? Anyway, she wakes up in the Doombase (Monica and Hawkeye had retrieved her body earlier so they could give it a proper burial), and she has her priorities in order.

Janet van Dyne is a believer in the phrase "Leave a good-looking corpse."

"Janet Van Dyne is a real believer in the phrase 'leave a good-looking corpse'" That's our Janet. Elsewhere, the X-Men and Magneto are monitoring Galactus. The Master of Magnetism believes that maybe Galactus is not actually going to eat the planet, but has something else in mind. They don't get a lot of time to debate this, as Cyclops spots something.

Meanwhile, Reed Richards is repairing Iron Man's armor, and discovers that it's not Tony Stark underneath the suit. Yeah, retcons can actually explain this. New Avengers: Illuminati #1 (May 2006) revealed that Reed had known about Tony Stark being the original Iron Man. Iron Man: Legacy #6 (November 2010) revealed that the other members were well aware of Stark's struggles with the bottle at the time, so it was likely Reed was already aware Jim Rhodes had taken up the suit.

Elsewhere, Spider-Man spots Thor and the Hulk emerging from a room, Thor's costume repaired. Spidey's suit got torn up during the brawl with the villains, so he needs some repairs. He goes to one of the devices, concentrates...and a strange black ball appears. He picks up the ball...and it flows over him.

Yup, this is the first appearance of what would be known as "The Black Costume". It would also become half of Venom in the future. Spidey is a bit confused by the design, but figures he was subconsciously thinking of the new Spider-Woman who just showed up. He then feels an earthquake. The story ends with Professor Xavier telepathically alerting the heroes: Galactus has begun his consumption of Battleworld.

This comic was...alright. I would have liked to have learned a bit more about the new Spider-Woman in this issue, like where she came from or how she got her powers. Yes, those would be revealed in future stories, but a bit of hinting here would have been nice. Also, it would have been nice to see Hulk lament the condition of She-Hulk. They are family, after all. Wasp's return from the grave was also kind of ridiculous. We saw her get blasted in the chest. How was she in stasis from that?!

The big positive was the action. There was plenty of it in this comic. It was a big ol' brawl, and I enjoyed that. I got a good chuckle from how Ben Grimm and Hawkeye dealt with Lizard and Klaw. That was pretty funny. So was drunk Enchantress. Also, Spider-Man's black costume is really neat and slick, even though Julia Carpenter used the design first. I can't imagine that anyone in 1984 thought that the costume would eventually end up becoming one of Spider-Man's most popular villains/anti-hero allies ever. And speaking of Spider-Man, his battle with Titania was awesome, too. I like how it was shown that his experience, speed, and agility (as well as his knack for running his mouth) was able to overcome Titania's raw power.

It's an action-packed issue, and I did enjoy it, despite the deus ex machina with the Wasp. Thanks for reading this blog entry! If you liked it, please spread it around! Join me next time, as Daredevil battles Ultron...