Wonder Woman #216 (March 1975)

It's that time again! It's time to join DC Comics's resident Amazing Amazon, Wonder Woman, as she undergoes another one of her Twelve Labors. Last time, she helped stop Ares, the Roman god of war, from causing...well, a war between the Amazons of Paradise Island and the underwater dwellers of Atlantis. This trial was overseen by the King of the Seas, Aquaman. This month, the trial will be overlooked by a female Leaguer, and Wonder Woman has to deal with a different kind of powerhouse than she 's normally used to trading punches with. Let's look at Wonder Woman #216!

The cover is a Nick Cardy piece, who is most known for his work with Aquaman and the Teen Titans. As such, it's very well-drawn. It has the Silver Age vibe with Black Canary pointing at an image. The image depicts Wonder Woman telling a man who clearly needs some help here that he can't get on the island because basically Aphrodite would get mad. Black Canary promises the answer as to why men cannot step foot on Paradise Island will be revealed. You'd think the Amazons would have a special island for such a situation. Be prepared and all that.

"Paradise in Peril"
Writer: Elliot S! Maggin
Penciler: John Rosenberger
Inker: Vince Colletta
Editor: Julius Schwartz

The story begins with DC's resident high-kicking mistress of martial arts, the Black Canary, sitting at a typewriter.

Dinah Lance is typing up a report, you see. She recommends that Wonder Woman be readmitted to the Justice League of America. Let's see why, shall we? It was a nice morning on the Mediterranean Sea. On this sea, there was a yacht. It was owned by a billionaire named Diogenes Diamandopoulos. Yeah, a name like that screams supervillain.

Diamandopoulos is a man who has goals. And he's managed to accomplish most of the goals he has set for himself in life. He graduated summa cum laude from college. He started a shipping company that made him rich and powerful. He wined and dined with kings and queens. He's even got himself an airline. But there is one goal that he has yet to achieve: He wants an answer to a mystery.

You see, men have never set foot on Paradise Island/Themyscira. And ol' Diogenes wants to know why that is. As for why he wants to know...I don't know. Maybe he sees business opportunities there? Maybe he wants to hire an Amazon as a bodyguard? Maybe he wants to ask Hippolyta on a date? Or maybe he's just weird.

Diogenes has been able to find the hidden island, and he sends his aide Peter to check it out. The bald man takes a helicopter to where the island is presumably located. To his shock, the helicopter seemingly vanishes, and he's about to fall to his death. Well, not really. He's caught by a net made of air. Hippolyta asks him "Why are you here?", and Peter extends greetings from his employer. The Amazons laugh at him and toss him into the ocean.

Black Canary learned of this the next day in the paper and decided to go check it out. She heads off to New York City and finds...well...this.

Art theft is not a crime unique to Earthmen...

Evidently we got alien art thieves. You see, the mayor was dedicating this statue (it was a gift to the city), and this saucer just showed up. Wonder Woman goes in hot pursuit of the saucer with her invisible jet. She manages to grab the statue, and the men inside release the piece of art, just as ordered. Wonder Woman lassoes the saucer, and puts the statue on her jet. She comes aboard and finds something.

"Hey, wait a minute! You guys aren't aliens!"

This saucer is staffed by regular human beings. She's easily able to take care of them, as they are ordinary men with guns, and she is a superpowered Amazon. Black Canary is observing this from the ground, unaware that Diogenes himself is also nearby. You'd think a big public figure like him would get, well, noticed. Diamandopoulos is very happy with things turned out. You see, he hired the crew to steal the statue, knowing Wonder Woman would foil the theft. She can't trace it back to him because the crew had no idea he was the one who hired them. He had managed to plant some "tracer-dust" on the statue which would allow him to contact the Amazing Amazon whenever he wanted.

Diana heads back to her job at the UN Crisis Bureau, and Dinah Lance follows by assuming the identity of a Daily Planet reporter named Shelley Ames.

"Awww, Hera! My office is haunted again!"

Yeah, this interview is over. Dinah listens in as the hologram of Diogenes introduces himself. He has been rather curious about the legends of Paradise Island, particularly ones about what would happen if a man set foot on Paradise Island.

"Ha ha, island go boom."

There's multiple ideas of what could happen, but no one is sure. All they have in common is that basically the gods have a hissy fit and the island somehow gets destroyed. He intends to step foot on the island, unless Wonder Woman contacts him in 24 hours. Yup, its a hostage situation. When he finishes the broadcast, Diogenes reveals that he doesn't expect Wonder Woman to contact him, but get her Amazon self to Paradise Island. And he intends to get there first.

Wonder Woman gets to her invisible plane and rockets to Paradise Island, contacting her mother Queen Hippolyte. Canary follows with help from her motorcycle and the JLA teleporter. Dinah arrives at the island and finds that it seems deserted. Remember, the legend says no man can step foot on Paradise Island. That's because after getting Wonder Woman's message, Queen Hippolyte engaged something called "Operation: Hideaway".

Dinah makes her way to the Amazons' library. It's a nice library, got a great selection of books. It's there that she sees a live feed of the Amazons fighting Diogenes' forces.

The Amazons, despite using swords, shields, and spears in battle, have a helicopter corps.

The weird thing is...well, one of the weird things is this battle is supposedly happening on the beach Dinah was just on...the deserted beach she was just at. How can this have erupted out of nowhere so fast? Well, it's easy.

"Amazons, get out that decoy island we used to mess with Hercules and Iolaus!"

It was a giant fakeout. The Amazons had tricked the men by using a decoy island...because they happen to have one of those. The Amazons are funny like that. They have advanced technology, but still fight with Ancient Greek swords, shields, and spears. Anyway, Hippolyte and the island vanishes, leaving a very confused army. The Queen of the Amazons appears in the library where Black Canary is hanging out. It's here that we learn exactly why a man can't set foot on Paradise Island.

Three thousand years earlier, the goddess Aphrodite returned the Queen's magic girdle Hercules managed to obtain from her by trickery. This event led to the Amazons living on Paradise Island in the first place. Aphrodite decided to punish Hippolyte for this and laid a curse on the Amazons.

The Amazon appetite for snu-snu is legendary.

Remember, Aphrodite is the goddess of love, beauty, and passion. Basically, if a man sets foot on Paradise Island, the Amazons will get so lust-crazed that they will fight each other and tear the island apart. You know that scene in Who Framed Roger Rabbit when Eddie Valiant busts into what he thought was Jessica Rabbit's apartment in Toontown only to discover it was Lena Hyena's? Imagine that, but with swords, shields, and togas...and there's tons of Lenas.

Not quite a perfect analogy, but you get the idea, right? Well anyway, Diogenes arrives on the decoy island, and finds Wonder Woman waiting for him. She wants to know one thing: Why? Why do this? What is his deal? Well, his reason is simple: He's in love with her.

Yes. Literally. Diogenes was spellbound by the beauty of our Amazon heroine. This whole stunt was just to impress her. Diana is rather furious about it. As she sees it, it wasn't her Diogenes loved, it was her power, and she also sees it as flaunting his ego. I think it's just him being an idiot. Either way, the billionaire surrenders.

With that, Black Canary completes her report. She plans to take a copy of it to the Justice League...without the part that explains exactly WHY a man can't set foot on Paradise Island, as she feels it's something that should not be known to any man, not even the male members of the League. Uh, Dinah? Wouldn't the male members of the League want to know this in case some other guy tries this stunt, and Diana is unavailable? I mean, Diogenes was not likely the first man to try and set foot on Paradise Island, and I doubt he'd be the last. And nothing in the story indicated that Hippolyte told Dinah to keep it a secret, so...yeah.

Although, I can imagine the League quoting Q from Octopussy regarding a certain member in such a situation: "Hal Jordan on an island populated exclusively by women? We won't see him until dawn!"

This was actually better than the last issue, but...yeah. Also like last issue, I felt there was some real potential here. Mainly in the character of Diogenes Diamandopolous. I felt his motivation was kind of dumb. Personally, I would have characterized him as a man who sees business opportunities in the Amazons, and maybe his fascination with them comes from a passion for Greek mythology. Maybe his crush on Wondy would allow him to return in future issues. And considering the he seems to be a goal-oriented man, I doubt he would give up on setting foot on Paradise Island so easily. And considering the resources he had at his disposal, he certainly would try again. He had potential to be a recurring character, is all I'm saying.

I'm also mixed on the revelation of the reason why man cannot set foot on Paradise Island. On one hand, it is kind of goofy...but at the same time, I think it bizarrely fits, considering the nature of the Greek Gods and all. Aphrodite is the goddess of love and passion, so...yeah. This would be the kind of thing she'd consider a curse.

John Rosenberger, like last issue, turns in some fine artwork. His rendition of Diana is really gorgeous, and it's a shame that his career and life was cut short by cancer. I think if that didn't happen, he may have ended up been one of the artists associated with the Amazons. He does stunning renditions of them. Which makes sense considering his romance comics background. He's a great artist whose work deserves more appreciation, in my opinion.

This issue is one of the better stories of the Twelve Labors. Maybe things will continue to improve from there. Thanks for reading this blog entry! If you liked it, spread it around! Take care of yourself, and each other! Stay safe, stay home, stay healthy, and wash your hands often! You know, considering that Black Canary was in this issue, let's find out next time show she got to join the ranks of the Justice League next time...