Marvel Super Heroes: Secret Wars #3 (July 1984)

The Secret Wars rage on! Last time, we ended with the heroes and villains finding homes for themselves, Magneto rampaged, the X-Men got all shady, the standard. But that's not all. Magneto made off with the Wasp and Ben Grimm mysteriously changed back to his human form. We got action and drama, will this issue be the same? Let's find out as we take a look at Marvel Super Heroes: Secret Wars #3!

The cover is pretty cool. It's basically Spider-Man fighting the X-Men. That's pretty much it, really. It's awesome.

"Tempest Without, Crisis Within!"
Writer: Jim Shooter
Penciller: Mike Zeck
Inker: John Beatty
Colorist: Christie Scheele
Editor: Tom DeFalco
Editor-in-Chief: Jim Shooter

The story begins with a dark and stormy night. Inside his magnet-shaped domicile, Magneto is watching this cliché story beginning. He's enjoying watching the rain and lightning. You know, I enjoy thunderstorms at night, too. But Mags has more pressing business. You see, he has...a guest. He uses his magnetokinetic powers to burst the ball of rubble and free one Janet Van Dyne, aka the Wasp.

Janet gets herself to her regular size, and she realizes she's in Magneto's lair. She wanders around the place. Seriously, Magneto. Give her a map or something! Anyway, the founding Avenger is able to find the Master of Magnetism, who is just chilling on his chair, enjoying some wine and...bread rolls, I think. I have no idea.

"I would ask if you'd like to Netflix and chill, but it's 1985 and Netflix doesn't exist yet."

However, Wasp ain't the mood for Magneto's attempt at being charming. She is in the mood to blast things, so she blasts his dinner. She tells Mags that she could bring the building down on his head with her Wasp stings. Magneto advises against it, as the weather is really bad outside, and he only wishes to talk. You know Mags, you could've just called the heroes if you wanted to talk, pal.

Magneto apologizes for the suffering he caused the Wasp, and he wants to explain himself. Also, it helps that the Wasp is rather beautiful. Yeah, he's a horndog. At the heroes' citadel, the now-human Ben Grimm (he mysteriously changed back to his human form last issue) is observing the storm. They notice a giant mountaintop coming down on them thanks to a lightning strike. However, Thor is able to take care of it.

We get some minor character moments. She-Hulk teases Hawkeye about his trick arrows not being very impressive while moving a giant particle accelerator around, but the archer's mind is on his new wife: Bobbi "Mockingbird" Morse. They eloped in Hawkeye #4 (December 1983), and Clint Barton wishes he was with her on Earth right now. Jim Rhodes and Monica Rambeau are racing around checking for damage to the complex. Rhodes is in awe of Thor, and is still processing the idea that he's a real actual Norse god.

Iron Man on roller skates. 'Nuff said!

In the complex's central communication center, Captain America, Mr. Fantastic, and the Incredible Hulk are conferring. Hulk reports that the damage Magneto caused in the last issue should be repaired soon. Reed hasn't quite figured out how the monitors work, but he's been able to keep an eye on Galactus. The Eater of Worlds is still keeping his vigil, ignorant to everything around him. Even the raging storm isn't getting his attention. Reed has also been able to monitor the villains in their little headquarters. There's an aura around the building, indicating that they're possibly drawing power from the storm itself. Why? Who knows?

We get anther character moment for Reed as he wishes the monitors could let him see his wife and son. Hulk is annoyed by Reed's lamenting, as he's got a girl back home too, but he's not "whining" about it. At the time, Hulk was dating a woman named Kate Waynesboro. At the time the Beyonder summoned him, she had been kidnapped by Boomerang in Incredible Hulk #294 (April 1984). He would rescue her in the next issue. Captain America believes the villains will launch an all-out attack after the storm ends, so he and Hulk will stand watch. A depressed Reed heads out, observed by Spider-Man.

The Web-Slings does his trademark swinging around the high ceilings and tubes on them. He does wonder if this place was customized for him. It does make sense. The Beyonder created this world, we can assume he made the headquarters for the heroes and villains. Anyway, Peter Parker swings by an area where the X-Men are hanging out.

"I don't get what the X-Men's deal is. Everyone likes buffet night!"

The X-Men have kept to themselves throughout this whole thing. They've been feeling they're rather unwelcome here. The Not-So-Merry Mutants are portrayed as rather anti-social towards the other heroes. I think we may assume that their constant feelings of being persecuted have made them a bit paranoid around "normal" people. Rogue points out she fought the Avengers once in Avengers Annual #10 (1981) as a member of the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants. She had only recently joined the X-Men in Uncanny X-Men #171 (July 1983). As such, she claims that the Avengers hate her, and they see the X-Men as suspicious because she's with them.

This is weird. The whole thing with Wasp and Monica's hostility towards the X-Men was because of Magneto, not Rogue. In fact, they barely seemed to acknowledge Rogue. Which makes sense, as neither Wasp nor Monica were among the Avengers who fought her in Avengers Annual #10. Captain America was among the Avengers at the time, but he seemed to have no issue with Rogue being among the X-Men. Hawkeye did accuse Cyclops of taking Magneto's side earlier simply because they were mutants, but then again, Hawkeye is known for running his mouth without using his brain.

Anyway, the X-Men decide that they're going to go hang with Magneto. That's when Professor X detects Spider-Man with his telepathy. And that's the Web-Slinger's cue.



"Hello, baaaaaaby!"

Peter Parker used Surprise. It was super effective! He's able to evade Wolverine and web up Colossus. His experience as a superhero (Remember, he's been doing this longer than most of the current X-Men here), really helps. His webs, agility, and Spider-Sense allow him to easily evade the Mighty Mutants, and he alerts Reed Richards...at least tries to. Spidey ends up forgetting what he was about to say thanks to Professor X. So much for your ethics, huh Xavier? Cyclops goes to talk to Reed, but is telepathically summoned back by Professor X. The X-Men find a craft and prepare to head out.

Back at his citadel, Magneto is telling Dr. Doom that he can take his idea of an alliance and shove it, which Doom takes well. In the form of ranting that he'll regret it. Nobody turns down Doom's friendship! Magneto returns to Janet, and admits that he finds her attractive. He leans in for a kiss, but Janet is not having it.

Back in Doombase, Doom reveals why he's been collecting some energy from the raging storm outside. You see, he found a couple of young women who were interested in getting some power, and Doom obliged to help them with that. He throws the switch and...

"Doom's makeover machine works! EAT IT RICHARDS! DOOM WILL DOMINATE THE BEAUTY MARKET!"

It's a success! Say hello to Marvel's newest superhuman femme fatales, Volcana and Titania. They demonstrate their new powers. Volcana melts some metal pieces to slag with her volcanic powers, and Titania uses her strength to grab the melted mess and toss it outside. Pleased with his results, Doom introduces them to the other villains in the ranks. The other villains are understandably confused. Where did they come from? Aren't the heroes and villains the only people on this planet? Trust me on this. It will be explained where these two came from.

Titania thinks Absorbing Man is the strongest one there, and challenges him to a fight. She finally has power, and she wants to throw it around a bit. However, Crusher Creel refuses. If she wants to prove her toughness so badly, she can do it against the heroes. Besides, in his own words, "I got nothin' to prove...to a dame". Titania angrily walks away, while breaking a statue.

Volcana also has an encounter with another male villain, but hers is much less tense. She's struck a convo with the Molecule Man. It's actually rather pleasant. The two watch the storm and talk about Doom. Molecule Man remarks that Doom has incredible charisma and he can't help but believe in him. Back at the heroes' base, Thor is going to the area where the prisoners are restrained. He finds the Enchantress's chamber and opens it up. Amora wonder if Thor is there to gloat...and hopes her face has no scars.

Thankfully for her fragile self-esteem, Amora's face is unmarred. Thor wants to talk, Asgardian to Asgardian. This conversation is not meant for mortal ears. This will be elaborated on in Thor #383 (September 1987). Sometime later, the Hulk is having some troubles. He can't seem to focus, and he feels disoriented. It's like he can't seem to think straight. Uh oh...

Cap wakes up and notices the storm has broken. Time to leap into action! Doom's craft flies into the heroes' citadel with RAMMING SPEED. The villains run in, but Doom keeps Molecule Man at his side. Titania smashes her way into the Fantastic Four members' quarters. Johnny tries to fight her off with flame blasts, despite his arm and ribs being broken. However, it's just a distraction so Johnny, Ben, and Reed are able to flee. She-Hulk is ambushed by Volcana, and Captain Marvel is taken down by Doctor Octopus. The Hulk and Captain America try to engage Doom and Molecule Man, but Owen Reese is able to conjure up some rocks to send them retreating.

The villains appear to have won the day. The heroes are in retreat. The villains suffered no casualties, but they didn't manage to get any losses on the heroes' side, either. The story ends with Doom announcing that he pans to level the heroes' home to the ground. No stone in this building shall touch another stone.

This issue is...rather decent. We get some more character moments, which I did enjoy. It was neat seeing James Rhodes being in absolute awe of Thor is a neat moment. It makes sense, as we can presume Rhodes hasn't been quite exposed to all the superheroic insanity Tony Stark dealt with at that point. My favorite one is surprisingly between Volcana and Molecule Man. It continues on the thread of Molecule Man trying to be a better man, and also shows how charismatic Doom is. Speaking of Volcana, she and Titania are introduced in this issue. We also get some idea of their personalities: Volcana is more quiet, and Titania is a wannabe bully, drunk on her own newfound power.

My one big complaint about this issue is well, the portrayal of the X-Men. I get the idea they're supposed to be this persecuted minority, but they do come off as a bit paranoid here. As I said earlier, I am guessing that the X-Men are so used to being hated on, that it's made them a bit defensive and untrusting. It's weird. The whole Magneto/Wasp thing also strikes me as rather bizarre. I don't know why, but it feels...off to me. And that's about all I have to say about this issue, really.

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